This week it was Shrove Tuesday and I really wanted to join in with everyone else across the country who were having pancakes. Dad is a fan of pancakes so he readily agreed to buying the pre-mixed batter and lemons. I was really looking forward to joining in. Yet on Tuesday when it was finally Pancake Day we had such a filling dinner that we just didn't want any dessert, even if it was pancakes!
So our Pancake Day was postponed until Thursday (yesterday) so we had a sort of Shrove Thursday! The excitement at trying them had not diminished and I happily helped mix up the batter. Dad cooked them and flipped them. He then put it on the plate, added lemon juice and a bit of sugar and rolled it up. Now it was ready to try!!
I have to be honest when I saw it all rolled up my first thought was "that looks a bit greasy" and the smell of it cooking had not exactly been the most pleasant cooking smell I have ever smelt! But thanks to Felix these little matters no longer make me gag or put me off trying new things. So with my spoon in hand, I broke off a piece and ate it.
It was not the most enjoyable experience. In fact I thought it was disgusting. It was very sweet and at the same time the lemon juice made it taste very sour. I had another few mouthfuls which considering I didn't like it, was a huge achievement as previously I would have stopped eating after the initial mouthful (if I had even managed to take a bite!). However the extra mouthfuls just confirmed my original thought... disgusting. It had a funny squishy texture and it smelt like a Yorkshire Pudding and tasted like a Yorkshire Pudding with sweet stuff on it. It was wrong. I love Yorkshire Puddings with a bit of gravy on, particularly Aunt Bessies. They are all puffy and crunchy. But these pancakes were a bit soggy, a bit greasy and just not nice.
I was disappointed not to like them, but then you can't like everything you try. They are also not one of the foods I could eat even if I am not a fan. These are firmly in the no thank you, I don't like them column. So Pancake Day is one day I will not be celebrating in future!
Friday, 20 February 2015
Wednesday, 18 February 2015
Homemade Smoothies and Soups!
The problem (and my excuse) is that as someone with SED food held absolutely no interest for me. If I didn't have to eat because of hunger pains I would not have eaten at all. So the idea of spending ages slaving over a hot stove to make a meal held no appeal. I couldn't see the point. I was not interested in eating the finished thing, so why would I want to cook it? As a result my cooking skills are very limited. "Put on baking tray and put in oven until you are certain its cooked or until its burnt and goes in the bin, while you have a sandwich instead", was about the style of my culinary exploits. Even after seeing Felix and my relationship with food began to improve, I never expected my cooking skills to improve nor my interest in it. I fully expected to have to force myself to learn how to prepare and cook the new food I was eating.
So imagine my surprise when I found myself wanting to make my own smoothies and soups! I knew that shop bought smoothies were not really that good for you as they were frequently targeted in the press for being full of sugars and other hidden nasties. So I didn't want to try them as it felt like making my weight issues worse instead of better. So I became obsessed about making my own smoothies. I had already spent 2 months lusting after a juicer after seeing a demonstration of one on television and being shown how you can get more nutrients into your body through juicing, and as I am still struggling with certain vegetables and fruit I thought this would be great for me. However juicers are extremely expensive and way out of my price range. Then in the January sales my Dad managed to get hold of one for £20. Result! Except it wasn't a juicer.... it was a smoothie maker!
Once we started with the smoothies I discovered I could also make soups in the smoothie maker too, as long as I didn't put in hot stuff. I could blend all the content up before hand and then cook it in the saucepan. I was so excited! I was really getting into this cooking lark! So we decided to try a root vegetable soup (potato, carrots, parsnip, swede and onion) and to give it a bit of taste we used a chicken stock instead of vegetable. It went well (we had to buy a set of scales to measure out the veg quantities!) but we ended up with a huge pot full! We cooked it and ate it. It was quite thick which was nice and ok but needed something else in it to give it a bit more flavour. Since seeing Felix I am no longer than keen on bland food, so the soup lacked the kick for me! I am now trying to work out what else I can add to give it more oomph and also looking for other recipes to try.
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| This is very similar to what our soup looked liked. Didn't have it with brown bread though! |
Suddenly we are buying smoothie makers, weighting scales, a mini grater for grating root ginger, buying root ginger (!), and looking at what other equipment we need in the kitchen!! I suddenly know stuff like the fact root ginger is good for digestion etc, or the vitamins in certain veg and fruit. I am also now obsessed about making our own stuff to avoid putting in all that artificial rubbish into our bodies!!! What is happening to me! I won't buy a Chinese ready meal because I want to make sure the veg is fresh, the rice is decent and the meat is cooked well with no artificial sweeteners or additives! I also now read the ingredients of tins, packets etc! I use to do this to check there was nothing in it I didn't like, now its to make sure what's in it is good for me!!
So I have also tried smoothies and homemade soups and will continue to add them to my new diet/lifestyle. I am also apparently turning into a bit of cook! Still can't believe this is me! I even suggestion to Dad we could make our own crumbles (not for me, but for him. Sweet stuff still holds little appeal for me and I don't want to encourage unhealthy stuff in my diet!). Dad reckons next step will be writing my own cookbook! Oh dear!
Monday, 16 February 2015
Christmas Red Cabbage, Savoury Biscuits and Bovril!
As part of my recovery I was really looking forward to Christmas as it was the first time ever I could look forward to the food! I had listened to others getting excited about the gluttonous season and all the lovely things they were going to eat, while I never had any interest and certainly couldn't join in. But Christmas 2014 was going to be different, thanks to seeing Felix in the summer. I already had a list of all the things I wanted to try over the festive season and I couldn't wait! Unfortunately life didn't quite agree with my plans as it decided to make money extremely tight, so we had to be a bit more careful about our Christmas food shopping. We still had nice food, I just had to rein in my list of foods to try!
I was never going to have Brussels Sprouts and even now that's one traditional food I am happy to avoid! However I did have a piece of roast parsnip with my carrots and petite pois peas, which I ate although I found it very sweet and not particularly nice. However its good for me, so I tried and since then whenever we have had a roast, I have had a piece of roast parsnip. Still not a fan, but I can at least eat it. I also wanted to try some red cabbage with my Christmas dinner. Up to now apart from peas I have not had much success with green veg and I still don't have any interest in trying actual cabbage. But for some reason I wanted to try red cabbage! And I did! We got this pot of red cabbage and apple from Tesco and I am proud to say I ate roughly one and a half tablespoons of it! It was quite nice, reminded me a bit of beetroot, probably because of the vinegar-ish taste. (Now it may well have had vinegar in it, I am not sure!). I couldn't eat any more than I did, but I am really proud of myself for eating what I did. Haven't had it since, but that's probably because I see it as a Christmas food! Its also very likely that I liked it because it didn't taste anything like cabbage or greens!
I was also looking forward to tasting different cheeses and savoury biscuits. Unfortunately we didn't have the budget to get many cheeses so we just stuck to the ones we like, although we did get a bit of Brie. I was planning on trying this but when my uncle tasted it on Christmas Day he said it was disgusting and not a good example of Brie. It was a very cheap one, so clearly price does sometimes matter. It will be back on the list for next time, when we can afford a slightly better version! I did however get to try some different savoury biscuits thanks to a Jacobs selection box of biscuits! So as well as the usual cream crackers and my favourites water biscuits and chedders, I also tried various other crackers. Some I liked, some were ok and some were vile! I also tried Tuc biscuits which I absolutely loved both on their own and with a bit of Cathedral City or Krackerbarrel Cheese on! Definitely will be having some of these again!
These were about the only things I tried over Christmas. I had hoped to try some different nuts, but the budget only stretched as far as peanuts and I was also hoping to try some different savoury snacks but again crisps and biscuits was as far as the budget stretched. Likewise with the drinks, although we do still have a couple of bottles of Schloer for me to try (red grape and white grape). I did try orange juice and lemonade (my Dad's current favourite drink). It was ok, but I am still not a fan of the acid orange taste.
The biggest and most immediate addition to my list of foods is Bovril on toast. Of all the things I thought I would like Bovril was not even on the list!! But for some reason one day I got the idea in my head that I wanted to try it. My Dad likes it but had not had it for a while so a new jar had to be bought. The only jars available were big jars and Dad was concerned it might go to waste if I didn't like it. He really didn't need to worry! We are already a quarter of the way down our SECOND jar! At first I only had very light dots of it on my buttered toast as it was quite a strong taste to begin with. But gradually I added more and more. Now I like a nice spread of it! In fact I LOVE Bovril on toast. Its become my most favourite snack. If I am feeling naughty I will add a piece of cheese on top and then its absolute food heaven for me!!! I never thought I would feel that way about food! I have it most days for lunch at the moment, so I am a bit worried I am becoming addicted to it! But apparently Bovril is very good for you, so its not the worse thing I could be eating!
I really get excited about food now. I never thought that would be possible for me. I also still can't believe the willingness to try new stuff and the curiosity of what foods taste like. We were watching a programme yesterday which included a segment about Wild Boar sausages, and I wondered out loud what they tasted like! Its really not me, but I am loving the new me! More soon!
I was never going to have Brussels Sprouts and even now that's one traditional food I am happy to avoid! However I did have a piece of roast parsnip with my carrots and petite pois peas, which I ate although I found it very sweet and not particularly nice. However its good for me, so I tried and since then whenever we have had a roast, I have had a piece of roast parsnip. Still not a fan, but I can at least eat it. I also wanted to try some red cabbage with my Christmas dinner. Up to now apart from peas I have not had much success with green veg and I still don't have any interest in trying actual cabbage. But for some reason I wanted to try red cabbage! And I did! We got this pot of red cabbage and apple from Tesco and I am proud to say I ate roughly one and a half tablespoons of it! It was quite nice, reminded me a bit of beetroot, probably because of the vinegar-ish taste. (Now it may well have had vinegar in it, I am not sure!). I couldn't eat any more than I did, but I am really proud of myself for eating what I did. Haven't had it since, but that's probably because I see it as a Christmas food! Its also very likely that I liked it because it didn't taste anything like cabbage or greens!
I was also looking forward to tasting different cheeses and savoury biscuits. Unfortunately we didn't have the budget to get many cheeses so we just stuck to the ones we like, although we did get a bit of Brie. I was planning on trying this but when my uncle tasted it on Christmas Day he said it was disgusting and not a good example of Brie. It was a very cheap one, so clearly price does sometimes matter. It will be back on the list for next time, when we can afford a slightly better version! I did however get to try some different savoury biscuits thanks to a Jacobs selection box of biscuits! So as well as the usual cream crackers and my favourites water biscuits and chedders, I also tried various other crackers. Some I liked, some were ok and some were vile! I also tried Tuc biscuits which I absolutely loved both on their own and with a bit of Cathedral City or Krackerbarrel Cheese on! Definitely will be having some of these again!
These were about the only things I tried over Christmas. I had hoped to try some different nuts, but the budget only stretched as far as peanuts and I was also hoping to try some different savoury snacks but again crisps and biscuits was as far as the budget stretched. Likewise with the drinks, although we do still have a couple of bottles of Schloer for me to try (red grape and white grape). I did try orange juice and lemonade (my Dad's current favourite drink). It was ok, but I am still not a fan of the acid orange taste.
The biggest and most immediate addition to my list of foods is Bovril on toast. Of all the things I thought I would like Bovril was not even on the list!! But for some reason one day I got the idea in my head that I wanted to try it. My Dad likes it but had not had it for a while so a new jar had to be bought. The only jars available were big jars and Dad was concerned it might go to waste if I didn't like it. He really didn't need to worry! We are already a quarter of the way down our SECOND jar! At first I only had very light dots of it on my buttered toast as it was quite a strong taste to begin with. But gradually I added more and more. Now I like a nice spread of it! In fact I LOVE Bovril on toast. Its become my most favourite snack. If I am feeling naughty I will add a piece of cheese on top and then its absolute food heaven for me!!! I never thought I would feel that way about food! I have it most days for lunch at the moment, so I am a bit worried I am becoming addicted to it! But apparently Bovril is very good for you, so its not the worse thing I could be eating!
I really get excited about food now. I never thought that would be possible for me. I also still can't believe the willingness to try new stuff and the curiosity of what foods taste like. We were watching a programme yesterday which included a segment about Wild Boar sausages, and I wondered out loud what they tasted like! Its really not me, but I am loving the new me! More soon!
Saturday, 1 November 2014
Photos of my grown up Food!
There is a slightly odd trend on Facebook for posting photos of your food. I have always found it a bit odd and in the realm of "who cares". However since seeing Felix there have been certain meals that I was so impressed with how they looked and that they were on MY plate that I had to photograph them as proof! They looked so grown up and colourful!
So as part of the catch up here are some photos of my recent grown up dinners!
Some of the mixtures might seem odd to some people but I am having to build up to certain things so I am putting together meals as best I can. Anyway, most importantly its new stuff and generally healthy stuff!
So as part of the catch up here are some photos of my recent grown up dinners!
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| Double cooked chips, closed cup mushrooms, petit pois peas and grilled rump steak (no dissecting into little bits although did cut off some large pieces of fat and gristle before I cooked it and not fried!). |
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| Fusilli pasta with mincemeat with a pasta tomato sauce (no bits) and stir fried vegetables in soy sauce. |
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| The raw veg prep before cooking stir fry - red, yellow and green peppers, closed cup mushrooms, petit pois peas, and carrots. There was also sweetcorn and finely diced onion but they were on a separate plate! |
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| Egg fried rice, stir fried vegetables in soy sauce and chicken in a cajun sauce (season and shake yum!). |
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
Food tried so far...
Yesterday I told you about how I had given up on the CBT and instead had a session with Felix a hypnotherapist. I saw Felix at the end of July so it has almost been three months. I am delighted to say that's three months on the road to recovery with only one week of a relapse! The food I have been able to try is unbelievable and I am so proud of myself. I have also already noticed huge improvements in my health in particular the condition of my hair and skin. Unfortunately weight lose has not happened yet, but I know it will, so I am just concentrating on developing and improving my eating. Once I have 7 different lunches and 7 different evening meals I can then start the serious fight to lose weight. I have devised (with my doctor) a three step recovery plan and I am currently working on steps 1 and 2. I will post my plan at some point as I think it would be useful to anyone wanting to lose weight and get healthier regardless of their eating issues.
As it has already been three months, its really not possible to share my thoughts and experiences of each time I tried something. But don't worry there is still more to come so I will try to be better at keeping this diary and recording the tries!
So in order to catch up, here is a breakdown of the food I have tried since treatment with Felix and what I thought of it:
1. Beetroot (yum!)
2. Beetroot salad from Tescos and Morrisons (yum yum!!)
3. Radish (vile never want to try again)
4. Closed cup mushrooms (delicious, I am now obsessed!)
5. Coleslaw (bleurgh)
6. Morrisons Potato Salad (bleurgh)
7. Quiche Lorraine (ok, didn't like the crust as it was too hard)
8. Raw Grated Carrot and raw sweetcorn (nothing special)
9. Raw green, red and yellow peppers (not very impressed and would rather not).
10. Tinned Red Salmon sandwiches homemade (gorgeous have them very often!!)
11.Battered Cod (not very nice, quite chewy - apparently wasn't a good example need to try a different battered Cod).
12. Black, Red and Green seedless Grapes (took a bit of getting use to but quite nice. Favourites are red).
13. Macaroni Cheese from Marks and Spencers (not very nice didn't finish it).
14. Flame Grilled Steak McCoys Crisps (very tasty but flavour gets quite intense after a while).
15. Nectarine (woody, not pleasant)
16. New Potatoes (lovely with a bit of butter melted on them)
17. Cooked sweetcorn (edible but still a challenge)
18. Corn on the Cob (yuck, too sweet and puts teeth on edge)
19. Petit Pois Peas (surprisingly nice, prefer these to normal garden peas which are minging)
20. Peach (prefer the ones with orange flesh, and love the tinned ones. Can't eat too much as flavour gets too sweet, but working on it).
21. Red Plum (nice)
22. Black Plums (gorgeous but gets very sweet, working on it).
23. Clementine (not nice, can't cope with the white pithy stuff).
24. Tinned spaghetti in tomato sauce on toast (nice).
25. Mincemeat in a smooth pasta tomato sauce (Goodness range from Tescos for kids! No bits).
26. Doritos (DISGUSTING)
27. Yoghurt - different kids yoghurt (too sweet and overpowering smell), Activia yoghurts various flavours, Tesco's low fat yoghurts banana, orange, and peach, Goats Yoghurt (vile), Natural Yoghurt, West Country Yoghurt, Ski yoghurt (so far not found any I like. Taking a break from them while I develop my taste buds. Will come back and try again before I decide if I am a yoghurt person or not).
28. Garlic croutons - (5) and cold pasta not sure of flavour (tried at the Harvester - alright).
29. Fried Egg on Gammon (gorgeous)
30. Fried tomato (scrapped out the middle and only ate a bit of the side. Not horrible, not nice. Need to try more).
31. Cheese & Tomato Baguette Pizza (ate half, ok but tomato quite strong flavour).
32. Cheese Feast Pizza (really not great)
33. Strawberries (not bad but can only eat a few at a time and still struggle with the seeds).
34. Barbecue Flavour Chicken (nice).
35. Cathedral City Baked Bites Mini biscuits (gorgeous!!)
36. Tesco Italian Range Beef Lasagne (very nice, quite a lot of pasta).
37. Thinly sliced Pork loin slices - not fatty (delicious).
38. Walkers Deli Crisps Cornish Mature Chedder Flavour (lovely, very tasty).
39. Walkers Deli Crisps Balsamic Vinegar of Modena Flavour (delicious - my new favourite crisps!).
40. Hellmens Mayonaise (need to retry with something else).
41. Tomato Ketchup (have it with a lot of things now - a bit addicted!).
42. Cadburys Chocolate Button Dessert (vile - far too sickly and sweet).
43. Dolmio Pasta Vita Carbonara (really unpleasant - not a good example, will need to try carbonara another way).
44. Multigrain Ryvita (nice - but need to have butter and cheese on it).
45. Seriously Strong Spreadable Cheese (not much taste, and not very nice).
46. Pepperoni Pizza (yum yum)
47. Ham & Mushroom Pizza (my favourite pizza so far).
48. Chicken Fajitas Pizza (horrible)
49. Tinned Mandarins (I quite like these, but can only eat a few segments at a time. Working on it).
50. 1 leaf of Spinach hidden in a cheese roll (ate it but the thought of it caused panic and anxiety to set in so didn't push it. Haven't repeated this yet).
51. Hartley's Orange Jelly no added sugar (really odd texture and very sweet. Ate the whole pot, but not a fan and not bothered about trying again).
52. Uncle Ben's Egg Fried Rice - cook in the microwave pouch (love this, really struggled with rice, but love this).
53. Chicken marinated in soy sauce (really loved this but the salty taste got really strong very quickly which was unfortunate).
54. Vegetables cooked in soy sauce - red, green and yellow peppers, sweetcorn, carrot, diced onion, petit pois peas, mushrooms (love this so much! Have had it a lot. So tasty!).
56. Runner Beans (added to the veg stir fry above - really did not like the beans).
57. Beef Casserole ( disgusting. The meat is horrible and chewy and fatty and bleurgh).
58. Elmlea Double Cream Whipped (very nice with Vanilla Ice Cream and some tinned fruit - Naughty!)
59. Cathedral City Spreadable Cheese (ok but nothing special. Lacks the strong flavour of the normal cheese).
60. Wholemeal toasted teacake and butter (nice nothing special).
61. Southern Fried Wedges (a bit hot but nice)
62. Fish Fingers (ok but prefer something else).
63. Stir Fry x2 - Same rice and veg as before but chicken cooked in chow mein stir fry sauce (a bit sweet but nice. Will have again).
64. Lemon and Brown Sugar basted roast Chicken from Morrisons (bloody beautiful. Definitely have again).
65. Morrisons Cheese & Onion crinkle crisps (one of my new top 5 crisps).
66. Mexican - Fajitas with chicken in El Paso Sauce, peppers, diced onion, tomatoes, shredded lettuce, with sour cream and chive dip wrapped in tortillas (this really went badly as we followed my Mum's recipe of adding lemon and lime juice to the meat and sauce. It was vile. Couldn't manage more than two bites. Even my Dad was gagging. Ended up having toast! Maybe try again if I can convince Dad!).
67. Smooth Branston Pickle -no bits - with a cheese sandwich (ate it, was alright, still not sure if I like it or not, but can eat it).
68. Grilled Rump steak - not dissecting it into little pieces and frying it like normal (really tasty and I like it quite rare. Was a very lean piece of steak. Still very particular and would not be able to do this with a fatty or grisly bit).
69. Season and Shake Cajun Chicken - with egg fried rice and soy sauce veg (I loved this. It was a very strong flavour and the top end of my range. I wouldn't want this every week, but will have it again. Tasty).
70. Sage and Onion Stuffing ( quite nice, but can only eat a very small amount before it gets too strong. Prefer the crispy bits!).
71. Deluxe Hand Cooked Vegetable Crisps seasoned with salt - beetroot, sweet potato, carrot and parsnip (absolutely horrible. Even Dad couldn't stand them.)
72. Hunters Chicken (tasty but had to cut the streaky bacon off as I still can't do fat).
73. Fusili pasta with mincemeat in a pasta tomato sauce (the Goodness range for Kids one from Tescos - still no bits) with soy sauce vegetables (this was nice but it was hard going eating all the pasta. Odd texture, but I will get use to it).
74. Tiger Roll (unpleasant smell)
75. Swirl Bread Roll (Viennese?) with poppy seeds (gorgeous!).
76. Applewood Vintage Chedder (absolutely disgusting, very odd texture and horrible flavour).
77. Butter Basted Roast Chicken (Roast in the Bag from Tesco) - (lovely tasty, moist chicken, hmmm!).
That's all the stuff tried in the last "just under" three months! Not bad! Feeling very proud of myself as that is quite a list!
As it has already been three months, its really not possible to share my thoughts and experiences of each time I tried something. But don't worry there is still more to come so I will try to be better at keeping this diary and recording the tries!
So in order to catch up, here is a breakdown of the food I have tried since treatment with Felix and what I thought of it:
1. Beetroot (yum!)
2. Beetroot salad from Tescos and Morrisons (yum yum!!)
3. Radish (vile never want to try again)
4. Closed cup mushrooms (delicious, I am now obsessed!)
5. Coleslaw (bleurgh)
6. Morrisons Potato Salad (bleurgh)
7. Quiche Lorraine (ok, didn't like the crust as it was too hard)
8. Raw Grated Carrot and raw sweetcorn (nothing special)
9. Raw green, red and yellow peppers (not very impressed and would rather not).
10. Tinned Red Salmon sandwiches homemade (gorgeous have them very often!!)
11.Battered Cod (not very nice, quite chewy - apparently wasn't a good example need to try a different battered Cod).
12. Black, Red and Green seedless Grapes (took a bit of getting use to but quite nice. Favourites are red).
13. Macaroni Cheese from Marks and Spencers (not very nice didn't finish it).
14. Flame Grilled Steak McCoys Crisps (very tasty but flavour gets quite intense after a while).
15. Nectarine (woody, not pleasant)
16. New Potatoes (lovely with a bit of butter melted on them)
17. Cooked sweetcorn (edible but still a challenge)
18. Corn on the Cob (yuck, too sweet and puts teeth on edge)
19. Petit Pois Peas (surprisingly nice, prefer these to normal garden peas which are minging)
20. Peach (prefer the ones with orange flesh, and love the tinned ones. Can't eat too much as flavour gets too sweet, but working on it).
21. Red Plum (nice)
22. Black Plums (gorgeous but gets very sweet, working on it).
23. Clementine (not nice, can't cope with the white pithy stuff).
24. Tinned spaghetti in tomato sauce on toast (nice).
25. Mincemeat in a smooth pasta tomato sauce (Goodness range from Tescos for kids! No bits).
26. Doritos (DISGUSTING)
27. Yoghurt - different kids yoghurt (too sweet and overpowering smell), Activia yoghurts various flavours, Tesco's low fat yoghurts banana, orange, and peach, Goats Yoghurt (vile), Natural Yoghurt, West Country Yoghurt, Ski yoghurt (so far not found any I like. Taking a break from them while I develop my taste buds. Will come back and try again before I decide if I am a yoghurt person or not).
28. Garlic croutons - (5) and cold pasta not sure of flavour (tried at the Harvester - alright).
29. Fried Egg on Gammon (gorgeous)
30. Fried tomato (scrapped out the middle and only ate a bit of the side. Not horrible, not nice. Need to try more).
31. Cheese & Tomato Baguette Pizza (ate half, ok but tomato quite strong flavour).
32. Cheese Feast Pizza (really not great)
33. Strawberries (not bad but can only eat a few at a time and still struggle with the seeds).
34. Barbecue Flavour Chicken (nice).
35. Cathedral City Baked Bites Mini biscuits (gorgeous!!)
36. Tesco Italian Range Beef Lasagne (very nice, quite a lot of pasta).
37. Thinly sliced Pork loin slices - not fatty (delicious).
38. Walkers Deli Crisps Cornish Mature Chedder Flavour (lovely, very tasty).
39. Walkers Deli Crisps Balsamic Vinegar of Modena Flavour (delicious - my new favourite crisps!).
40. Hellmens Mayonaise (need to retry with something else).
41. Tomato Ketchup (have it with a lot of things now - a bit addicted!).
42. Cadburys Chocolate Button Dessert (vile - far too sickly and sweet).
43. Dolmio Pasta Vita Carbonara (really unpleasant - not a good example, will need to try carbonara another way).
44. Multigrain Ryvita (nice - but need to have butter and cheese on it).
45. Seriously Strong Spreadable Cheese (not much taste, and not very nice).
46. Pepperoni Pizza (yum yum)
47. Ham & Mushroom Pizza (my favourite pizza so far).
48. Chicken Fajitas Pizza (horrible)
49. Tinned Mandarins (I quite like these, but can only eat a few segments at a time. Working on it).
50. 1 leaf of Spinach hidden in a cheese roll (ate it but the thought of it caused panic and anxiety to set in so didn't push it. Haven't repeated this yet).
51. Hartley's Orange Jelly no added sugar (really odd texture and very sweet. Ate the whole pot, but not a fan and not bothered about trying again).
52. Uncle Ben's Egg Fried Rice - cook in the microwave pouch (love this, really struggled with rice, but love this).
53. Chicken marinated in soy sauce (really loved this but the salty taste got really strong very quickly which was unfortunate).
54. Vegetables cooked in soy sauce - red, green and yellow peppers, sweetcorn, carrot, diced onion, petit pois peas, mushrooms (love this so much! Have had it a lot. So tasty!).
56. Runner Beans (added to the veg stir fry above - really did not like the beans).
57. Beef Casserole ( disgusting. The meat is horrible and chewy and fatty and bleurgh).
58. Elmlea Double Cream Whipped (very nice with Vanilla Ice Cream and some tinned fruit - Naughty!)
59. Cathedral City Spreadable Cheese (ok but nothing special. Lacks the strong flavour of the normal cheese).
60. Wholemeal toasted teacake and butter (nice nothing special).
61. Southern Fried Wedges (a bit hot but nice)
62. Fish Fingers (ok but prefer something else).
63. Stir Fry x2 - Same rice and veg as before but chicken cooked in chow mein stir fry sauce (a bit sweet but nice. Will have again).
64. Lemon and Brown Sugar basted roast Chicken from Morrisons (bloody beautiful. Definitely have again).
65. Morrisons Cheese & Onion crinkle crisps (one of my new top 5 crisps).
66. Mexican - Fajitas with chicken in El Paso Sauce, peppers, diced onion, tomatoes, shredded lettuce, with sour cream and chive dip wrapped in tortillas (this really went badly as we followed my Mum's recipe of adding lemon and lime juice to the meat and sauce. It was vile. Couldn't manage more than two bites. Even my Dad was gagging. Ended up having toast! Maybe try again if I can convince Dad!).
67. Smooth Branston Pickle -no bits - with a cheese sandwich (ate it, was alright, still not sure if I like it or not, but can eat it).
68. Grilled Rump steak - not dissecting it into little pieces and frying it like normal (really tasty and I like it quite rare. Was a very lean piece of steak. Still very particular and would not be able to do this with a fatty or grisly bit).
69. Season and Shake Cajun Chicken - with egg fried rice and soy sauce veg (I loved this. It was a very strong flavour and the top end of my range. I wouldn't want this every week, but will have it again. Tasty).
70. Sage and Onion Stuffing ( quite nice, but can only eat a very small amount before it gets too strong. Prefer the crispy bits!).
71. Deluxe Hand Cooked Vegetable Crisps seasoned with salt - beetroot, sweet potato, carrot and parsnip (absolutely horrible. Even Dad couldn't stand them.)
72. Hunters Chicken (tasty but had to cut the streaky bacon off as I still can't do fat).
73. Fusili pasta with mincemeat in a pasta tomato sauce (the Goodness range for Kids one from Tescos - still no bits) with soy sauce vegetables (this was nice but it was hard going eating all the pasta. Odd texture, but I will get use to it).
74. Tiger Roll (unpleasant smell)
75. Swirl Bread Roll (Viennese?) with poppy seeds (gorgeous!).
76. Applewood Vintage Chedder (absolutely disgusting, very odd texture and horrible flavour).
77. Butter Basted Roast Chicken (Roast in the Bag from Tesco) - (lovely tasty, moist chicken, hmmm!).
That's all the stuff tried in the last "just under" three months! Not bad! Feeling very proud of myself as that is quite a list!
Tuesday, 21 October 2014
CBT and Felix
Yet again I have been extremely terrible at keeping this blog up to date. Huge apologises! As I said in a previous post I had started CBT in the hope it would resolve my SED issues. Well I continued with it for a while and had limited success. I began to understand why my brain reacted the way it did to new foods and more importantly began to understand the sheer mountain I had to climb in order to beat this disorder.
I successfully managed to drink an entire small bottle of Tropicana orange juice during a session even though I found it extremely vile! But beyond that my progress was almost not existent. I found the few techniques I was given were not really suitable for food. For example one was to sit there with the food and wait until the anxiety passed and then try the food. This is based on the idea that it takes between a hour to a hour and a half for anxiety to rise and then dissipate. Now if this was sitting with a spider in a tank (which I would not do!) or something else that didn't have a time issue then it probably does work. The problem with food is if its hot it gets cold and is inedible, and it its cold it gets too warm, melts, goes off etc. So I was becoming increasingly frustrated that I wasn't making any progress and the anxiety would get so bad I would be lucky if I tried one new food a month! Added to this was the sudden announcement that I only had a set number of CBT sessions. I was over half way through my allotted sessions when I discovered this and it was acutely obvious that I was not going to make any significant progress before the sessions ran out.
Thankfully I had also joined a Facebook forum about SED and discovered a wonderful magical guy called Felix Economakis who ran a clinic in London and was a qualified hypnotherapist. He seemed to have dedicated a lot of his time studying and treating people with SED. More importantly the forum was full of people who had gone to see Felix and had been cured of their SED issues which allowed them to start the long fight to recovery. He had something like a 97% success rate and was very open about the times when it hadn't worked. He also filmed a lot of his sessions and they could be watched on You Tube. After months of reading other people's success stories and hearing the foods they were suddenly able to eat, I made the decision I had to see Felix.
I managed to get the money together for an appointment (with a little bit of help from Felix himself) and booked my appointment!! I was so excited! But I also wanted to make sure I had realistic expectations. He did not have a 100% success rate so I had to be prepared that it might not work. I also knew from the forum that some people found after a few weeks their eating issues were completely gone, while for others it took longer and required more effort. I spoke to a few of the forum members who had seen Felix recently and who had varying degrees of success, so I was as well informed as I could be. I decided to go in to the session with an open mind, and a hopeful heart.
Dad came with me to my appointment and it was his reaction to what happened which really proved to me what a dramatic change had taken place. The appointment was suppose to be 2 hours long but we had got stuck on the motorway for an hour when they closed the motorway to clear a fatal accident. So my appointment was condensed and I was concerned this would have a negative impact. I really didn't need to worry. There are three stages to the treatment which include getting you to agree to change and the final stage is the hypnosis.
I really didn't think the hypnosis had worked, but as days passed I remembered less of what had been said to me during the hypnosis and had to rely on Dad to fill in the blanks so I must have gone under! Thankfully my subconscious remembered! When I was "woken up" Felix got me to try some of the foods I had taken with me. He asks you to bring 5-6 foods to try at the end of the session that you would like to eat but couldn't. The first thing he handed me was a carton of Ribena. I took it off him - no hand shaking, no shallow breathing, feeling sick or anything - and stuck the straw in and began to drink. The shocked look on my Dad's face said it all! He had prepared himself for me to start crying and gagging etc. But nothing happened. I just drank the juice, and found it ok but a bit sweet.Then I tried a red grape, a strawberry, a piece of pineapple (which was disgusting but when Felix tried a piece he said it was vile and clearly had turned in the hot car), melon and a cherry Activia yoghurt. I was so incredibly shocked!!
After the session we went back to the car and I continued to try stuff including raw grated carrot, beetroot (yum!) and a leafy bit of lettuce that made me gag because it was so bitter. On the way home we stopped off at a Burger King to have some dinner. I still ordered my usual plain burger and fries but this time I asked for a ketchup sachet. My mind was obsessed with trying some on my fries! Now I am the girl that if there was a spot of ketchup on her burger she would be unable to eat the whole thing, and any fries with it on, would not be eaten and neither would the fries touching the fries with ketchup on! Suddenly I was putting a bit on every chip, and by the end of the meal had squirted some inside my "plain" burger! It was lovely!! My Dad just sat opposite me watching, and only commented after I had finished that he couldn't believe the difference!
It was an awesome day, but in the days that followed I was concerned it hadn't worked properly or would wear off. With a bit of encouragement from Felix and my Dad I stopped trying to test it, and just accepted it had changed and got on with it. It turns out I was not going to be one of those who completely changed in 2 -3 weeks after seeing Felix. Instead I was going to have a slower recovery, but still a recovery. As days and weeks passed I was trying at least 2 new things a day, which was a huge improvement on my CBT "one new thing a month if I was lucky"! I didn't always like what I tried, but I was trying it!
Felix had "cured" me of my anxiety and SED issues and it was now time for the hard work. The road to recovery. My taste buds were completely under developed so I needed to give them time to get use to new flavours (and still doing so). I had to get use to new textures in my mouth, smells etc. I also had to work out what I liked and didn't like! Food had suddenly become exciting!
I successfully managed to drink an entire small bottle of Tropicana orange juice during a session even though I found it extremely vile! But beyond that my progress was almost not existent. I found the few techniques I was given were not really suitable for food. For example one was to sit there with the food and wait until the anxiety passed and then try the food. This is based on the idea that it takes between a hour to a hour and a half for anxiety to rise and then dissipate. Now if this was sitting with a spider in a tank (which I would not do!) or something else that didn't have a time issue then it probably does work. The problem with food is if its hot it gets cold and is inedible, and it its cold it gets too warm, melts, goes off etc. So I was becoming increasingly frustrated that I wasn't making any progress and the anxiety would get so bad I would be lucky if I tried one new food a month! Added to this was the sudden announcement that I only had a set number of CBT sessions. I was over half way through my allotted sessions when I discovered this and it was acutely obvious that I was not going to make any significant progress before the sessions ran out.
Thankfully I had also joined a Facebook forum about SED and discovered a wonderful magical guy called Felix Economakis who ran a clinic in London and was a qualified hypnotherapist. He seemed to have dedicated a lot of his time studying and treating people with SED. More importantly the forum was full of people who had gone to see Felix and had been cured of their SED issues which allowed them to start the long fight to recovery. He had something like a 97% success rate and was very open about the times when it hadn't worked. He also filmed a lot of his sessions and they could be watched on You Tube. After months of reading other people's success stories and hearing the foods they were suddenly able to eat, I made the decision I had to see Felix.
I managed to get the money together for an appointment (with a little bit of help from Felix himself) and booked my appointment!! I was so excited! But I also wanted to make sure I had realistic expectations. He did not have a 100% success rate so I had to be prepared that it might not work. I also knew from the forum that some people found after a few weeks their eating issues were completely gone, while for others it took longer and required more effort. I spoke to a few of the forum members who had seen Felix recently and who had varying degrees of success, so I was as well informed as I could be. I decided to go in to the session with an open mind, and a hopeful heart.
Dad came with me to my appointment and it was his reaction to what happened which really proved to me what a dramatic change had taken place. The appointment was suppose to be 2 hours long but we had got stuck on the motorway for an hour when they closed the motorway to clear a fatal accident. So my appointment was condensed and I was concerned this would have a negative impact. I really didn't need to worry. There are three stages to the treatment which include getting you to agree to change and the final stage is the hypnosis.
I really didn't think the hypnosis had worked, but as days passed I remembered less of what had been said to me during the hypnosis and had to rely on Dad to fill in the blanks so I must have gone under! Thankfully my subconscious remembered! When I was "woken up" Felix got me to try some of the foods I had taken with me. He asks you to bring 5-6 foods to try at the end of the session that you would like to eat but couldn't. The first thing he handed me was a carton of Ribena. I took it off him - no hand shaking, no shallow breathing, feeling sick or anything - and stuck the straw in and began to drink. The shocked look on my Dad's face said it all! He had prepared himself for me to start crying and gagging etc. But nothing happened. I just drank the juice, and found it ok but a bit sweet.Then I tried a red grape, a strawberry, a piece of pineapple (which was disgusting but when Felix tried a piece he said it was vile and clearly had turned in the hot car), melon and a cherry Activia yoghurt. I was so incredibly shocked!!
After the session we went back to the car and I continued to try stuff including raw grated carrot, beetroot (yum!) and a leafy bit of lettuce that made me gag because it was so bitter. On the way home we stopped off at a Burger King to have some dinner. I still ordered my usual plain burger and fries but this time I asked for a ketchup sachet. My mind was obsessed with trying some on my fries! Now I am the girl that if there was a spot of ketchup on her burger she would be unable to eat the whole thing, and any fries with it on, would not be eaten and neither would the fries touching the fries with ketchup on! Suddenly I was putting a bit on every chip, and by the end of the meal had squirted some inside my "plain" burger! It was lovely!! My Dad just sat opposite me watching, and only commented after I had finished that he couldn't believe the difference!
It was an awesome day, but in the days that followed I was concerned it hadn't worked properly or would wear off. With a bit of encouragement from Felix and my Dad I stopped trying to test it, and just accepted it had changed and got on with it. It turns out I was not going to be one of those who completely changed in 2 -3 weeks after seeing Felix. Instead I was going to have a slower recovery, but still a recovery. As days and weeks passed I was trying at least 2 new things a day, which was a huge improvement on my CBT "one new thing a month if I was lucky"! I didn't always like what I tried, but I was trying it!
Felix had "cured" me of my anxiety and SED issues and it was now time for the hard work. The road to recovery. My taste buds were completely under developed so I needed to give them time to get use to new flavours (and still doing so). I had to get use to new textures in my mouth, smells etc. I also had to work out what I liked and didn't like! Food had suddenly become exciting!
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
CBT Update
Sorry I haven't updated my diary for a while. As usual life got in the way. I will try to be better from now on! In one of my last posts I mentioned I was waiting to be accepted into a CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) programme. I was accepted and after waiting a couple of months for an appointment to become available I am now delighted to say I have started CBT! I have only had a couple of sessions so far but the results are already encouraging. I have had a few outright successes and a few successes which I still felt disappointed about (more on that soon). It is still early days but I am hopeful I may have finally found a solution for my SED!
CBT is an interesting treatment and incorporates various approaches and treatments. For my situation I am trying a process called graduated exposure therapy. The theory is that you create a hierarchy of situations that cause the anxiety and number them 1 - 10 in order of how anxious they make you, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most. In my situation my hierarchy is made up of different foods and numerous social situations which involve food. Then through developing various coping mechanisms you start working your way up through the hierarchy starting at 1. According to the theory of anxiety, every time you expose yourself to an anxiety inducing situation, the anxiety should disappear a little bit quicker each time you do it, until it doesn't happen at all. So at first anxiety levels will be sky high, but then the second, third, and fourth times it will disappear quicker and eventually will not happen at all. Then as you conquer each level of your hierarchy, it will be easier to tackle those foods which cause more anxiety. Sounds simple, but it is extremely hard and very much a battle.
The reason people like me get like this is (apparently) because we have learnt this behaviour over time and our brains now believe this is "normal" behaviour. So my brain reacts to new and different foods in a negative way because it has learnt this is the "correct" reaction to this situation. It has become so bad that eventhough there is a thought process involved I am no longer aware of it because my reaction is so instant. It has become a reflex. In the same way you would jump because there was a sudden loud noise, I panic when confronted with new or different foods. So a large part of CBT is breaking those thought processes down and examining and challenging the thoughts and feelings they produce. I also have to look at my mood and physical behaviour and be aware of how these can also affect my thoughts and feelings. In short I am having to unlearn the bad reaction and teach my brain the correct way to approach new foods by questioning the thoughts and feelings which trigger the anxiety.
I am actually finding this part fascinating as logically I know a lot of my thoughts are ridiculous and not grounded in any logic but all the same its hard shifting the impact they have on me. I also have to keep giving myself a "good talking to" and encouraging myself to stick with it, I can do this, keep focussed, keep calm etc while also acknowledging and challenging the thoughts I am having; why do you think that, what's the worse that can happen, does it matter if you don't eat it, spit it out, gag, throw up, etc etc. I know that its going to get harder and harder before it gets better, but I am also trying to hold onto the positive thought that it could "cure" me, if only I can keep pushing myself!
It has also been interesting learning about avoidance and why we choose to do it. I have avoided food situations so much that my brain learnt that avoidance and panic is the right reaction to that situation. One of the main reasons for this is the positive feeling which follows avoiding an anxiety filled situation. The sense of relief is a wonderful feeling and so fuels the negative behaviour of avoidance; face the anxiety and the anxiety rises or avoid and feel great! No wonder my brain learnt to avoid! Now I have to fight this avoidance culture in my life. I have to acknowledge the situations when anxiety causes me to feel like this and acknowledge I want to avoid, run away from trying that particular food. Once I have acknowledged it, I then have to face the anxiety and refuse to let myself wimp out and avoid the food. This is sooooooo hard and takes so much energy. I am, however, very determined to do this. I am literally attempting to reprogram a part of my brain. Wish me luck!
CBT is an interesting treatment and incorporates various approaches and treatments. For my situation I am trying a process called graduated exposure therapy. The theory is that you create a hierarchy of situations that cause the anxiety and number them 1 - 10 in order of how anxious they make you, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most. In my situation my hierarchy is made up of different foods and numerous social situations which involve food. Then through developing various coping mechanisms you start working your way up through the hierarchy starting at 1. According to the theory of anxiety, every time you expose yourself to an anxiety inducing situation, the anxiety should disappear a little bit quicker each time you do it, until it doesn't happen at all. So at first anxiety levels will be sky high, but then the second, third, and fourth times it will disappear quicker and eventually will not happen at all. Then as you conquer each level of your hierarchy, it will be easier to tackle those foods which cause more anxiety. Sounds simple, but it is extremely hard and very much a battle.
The reason people like me get like this is (apparently) because we have learnt this behaviour over time and our brains now believe this is "normal" behaviour. So my brain reacts to new and different foods in a negative way because it has learnt this is the "correct" reaction to this situation. It has become so bad that eventhough there is a thought process involved I am no longer aware of it because my reaction is so instant. It has become a reflex. In the same way you would jump because there was a sudden loud noise, I panic when confronted with new or different foods. So a large part of CBT is breaking those thought processes down and examining and challenging the thoughts and feelings they produce. I also have to look at my mood and physical behaviour and be aware of how these can also affect my thoughts and feelings. In short I am having to unlearn the bad reaction and teach my brain the correct way to approach new foods by questioning the thoughts and feelings which trigger the anxiety.
I am actually finding this part fascinating as logically I know a lot of my thoughts are ridiculous and not grounded in any logic but all the same its hard shifting the impact they have on me. I also have to keep giving myself a "good talking to" and encouraging myself to stick with it, I can do this, keep focussed, keep calm etc while also acknowledging and challenging the thoughts I am having; why do you think that, what's the worse that can happen, does it matter if you don't eat it, spit it out, gag, throw up, etc etc. I know that its going to get harder and harder before it gets better, but I am also trying to hold onto the positive thought that it could "cure" me, if only I can keep pushing myself!
It has also been interesting learning about avoidance and why we choose to do it. I have avoided food situations so much that my brain learnt that avoidance and panic is the right reaction to that situation. One of the main reasons for this is the positive feeling which follows avoiding an anxiety filled situation. The sense of relief is a wonderful feeling and so fuels the negative behaviour of avoidance; face the anxiety and the anxiety rises or avoid and feel great! No wonder my brain learnt to avoid! Now I have to fight this avoidance culture in my life. I have to acknowledge the situations when anxiety causes me to feel like this and acknowledge I want to avoid, run away from trying that particular food. Once I have acknowledged it, I then have to face the anxiety and refuse to let myself wimp out and avoid the food. This is sooooooo hard and takes so much energy. I am, however, very determined to do this. I am literally attempting to reprogram a part of my brain. Wish me luck!
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