One of the side effects of living with this condition is that you never really have an appetite. You get hungry and you eat. But you don't look forward to eating. If I didn't have to eat, I wouldn't. I am not the sort of person who gets excited about food. Actually that's not true. Freshly cooked crusty bread with butter on and a nice chunk of chedder cheese is something I do enjoy and as far as possible I get excited about eating it. But that's about it. Sometimes I get a craving for chip shop chips, or a bar of Dairy Milk chocolate or some crinkle cut crisps (ready salted), but I don't "enjoy" food in the same way people who don't have this condition do.
But I do think about food sometimes and in recent months this has increased considerably. I think about food that I don't eat and wonder what it tastes like. There is a curiosity which hasn't been there before. Its also seems to be strange food with (apparently) very strong tastes. Many of which are foods you either love or hate. When I started eating Heinz cream of tomato soup and fried button mushrooms (not together as a meal just new foods) friends and family were amazed as these were strong flavours. My Dad also constantly reminds me if I can drink Lager (Budweiser) then I should be able to eat anything as I clearly have no taste buds! Cheek!
So what do I think about? I think about beetroot. I am fascinated by the colour and firm yet soft texture. I wonder what "Beetroot" tastes like. I also think about red peppers, radishes (I know weird right!), sweetcorn and fleshy fresh fruit like water melon or similar. I never think about green vegetables. The very thought of greens makes me feel sick and I feel a tightening of my chest.
I wonder what pasta and rice tastes like. Is pasta slimey because it looks slimey and when a piece has fallen out of the saucepan into the sink when draining it feels slimey when I pick it up to chunk in the bin (When I was an undergraduate I shared with other students so pasta was one of their stable foods!). How can rice sometimes be sticky and sometimes fluffy? What does lasagne taste like? It looks meaty and filling and tasty. Is it? How strong is the tomato sauce? Is it "spicey" or "herby"?
I think about stir-fry. Are the vegetables crunchy? What does the sauce taste like? Is it hot? Does soy sauce taste salty, sweet or sour? I think about how grown up it would feel to have stir-fry and rice for dinner. And how healthy that would be.
In the summer I think about quiche. I like cheese so would I like quiche? I think about having it for dinner on a hot summers day with boiled new potatoes and a salad with beetroot. I don't eat any of these things, but I remember my Mum use to eat this sort of thing a lot in the summer because it was cool and refreshing, sometimes swapping quiche for slices of ham or a piece of chicken. I do eat chicken and certain types of ham. I wonder if I would ever be able to eat this sort of thing. Considering raw tomatoes make me physically sick, makes my skin turn bright red and itchy and gives me an upset stomach the salad might be an issue! The smell of cucumber also makes me want to gag.
I think about Chinese food and the different little cartons that come with a take-away. When friends or family have it (while I have something from the chippie) I wonder what the strong food smells are coming from. The sauce? The meat? I wonder about the tastes. I like the idea of ordering a "Chinese" with everyone else. I think about pizza and whether I could cope with the tomato base given my allergy? I like bread and cheese, and I also like ham and mushrooms so could I eat a pizza? Would it be moreish like cheese on toast? How cool would it be to go to Pizza Hut or Pizza Express and order like everyone else or to order a take-away like "normal" people.
I wonder about yoghurt. Does it taste as bad as some of them smell? Are they very sweet? Are some of them nice? Are they watery like milk or thick like ice cream?
I think about soups with bits in like chicken and vegetable etc. I tried mushroom soup once and the smell of it cooking was putrid. I couldn't bring myself to taste it when it was cooked as I was gagging far too much. Its a horrible smell! But what about other soups? Could I eat them, even with vegetables in? I wonder about pumpkin soup. Every Halloween friends on facebook talk about getting pumpkins and then making soup out of the inside stuff which they removed before carving. What does it taste like? At the same time of year I also think about butter-nut squash and wonder what the hell it is! I have seen photos in magazines of some sort of bakes with pumpkins and butter nut squash and wonder what they are like, while fascinated by the colours. I think about aubergines and wonder what you do with them and what do they taste like? Sour? Oniony? Savoury? The deep purple colour and the shiny skin is curious. I have heard of stuffed peppers, do you stuff an aubergine?
I never wonder about greens as I have said, but I also never wonder what cakes or sweet things taste like. I have no interest in adding puddings, cakes and sugary sweets to my diet. They hold no interest. I like Walls Vanilla Ice Cream and I eat Dairy Milk chocolate and Maltesers. Nothing else sweet, unless you count my breakfast cereal - Frosties. I really don't have a sweet tooth.
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