Photos of my grown up Food!

There is a slightly odd trend on Facebook for posting photos of your food. I have always found it a bit odd and in the realm of "who cares". However since seeing Felix there have been certain meals that I was so impressed with how they looked and that they were on MY plate that I had to photograph them as proof! They looked so grown up and colourful!

So as part of the catch up here are some photos of my recent grown up dinners!

Double cooked chips, closed cup mushrooms, petit pois peas and grilled rump steak (no dissecting into little bits although did cut off some large pieces of fat and gristle before I cooked it and not fried!). 

Fusilli pasta with mincemeat with a pasta tomato sauce (no bits) and stir fried vegetables in soy sauce. 

The raw veg prep before cooking stir fry - red, yellow and green peppers, closed cup mushrooms, petit pois peas, and carrots. There was also sweetcorn and finely diced onion but they were on a separate plate!

Egg fried rice, stir fried vegetables in soy sauce and chicken in a cajun sauce (season and shake yum!).

Some of the mixtures might seem odd to some people but I am having to build up to certain things so I am putting together meals as best I can. Anyway, most importantly its new stuff and generally healthy stuff!

Food tried so far...

Yesterday I told you about how I had given up on the CBT and instead had a session with Felix a hypnotherapist. I saw Felix at the end of July so it has almost been three months. I am delighted to say that's three months on the road to recovery with only one week of a relapse! The food I have been able to try is unbelievable and I am so proud of myself. I have also already noticed huge improvements in my health in particular the condition of my hair and skin. Unfortunately weight lose has not happened yet, but I know it will, so I am just concentrating on developing and improving my eating. Once I have 7 different lunches and 7 different evening meals I can then start the serious fight to lose weight. I have devised (with my doctor) a three step recovery plan and I am currently working on steps 1 and 2. I will post my plan at some point as I think it would be useful to anyone wanting to lose weight and get healthier regardless of their eating issues.

As it has already been three months, its really not possible to share my thoughts and experiences of each time I tried something. But don't worry there is still more to come so I will try to be better at keeping this diary and recording the tries!

So in order to catch up, here is a breakdown of the food I have tried since treatment with Felix and what I thought of it:

1. Beetroot (yum!)
2. Beetroot salad from Tescos and Morrisons (yum yum!!)
3. Radish (vile never want to try again)
4. Closed cup mushrooms (delicious, I am now obsessed!)
5. Coleslaw (bleurgh)
6. Morrisons Potato Salad (bleurgh)
7. Quiche Lorraine (ok, didn't like the crust as it was too hard)
8. Raw Grated Carrot and raw sweetcorn (nothing special)
9. Raw green, red and yellow peppers (not very impressed and would rather not).
10. Tinned Red Salmon sandwiches homemade (gorgeous have them very often!!)
11.Battered Cod (not very nice, quite chewy - apparently wasn't a good example need to try a different battered Cod).
12. Black, Red and Green seedless Grapes (took a bit of getting use to but quite nice. Favourites are red).
13. Macaroni Cheese from Marks and Spencers (not very nice didn't finish it).
14. Flame Grilled Steak McCoys Crisps (very tasty but flavour gets quite intense after a while).
15. Nectarine (woody, not pleasant)
16. New Potatoes (lovely with a bit of butter melted on them)
17. Cooked sweetcorn (edible but still a challenge)
18. Corn on the Cob (yuck, too sweet and puts teeth on edge)
19. Petit Pois Peas (surprisingly nice, prefer these to normal garden peas which are minging)
20. Peach (prefer the ones with orange flesh, and love the tinned ones. Can't eat too much as flavour gets too sweet, but working on it).
21. Red Plum (nice)
22. Black Plums (gorgeous but gets very sweet, working on it).
23. Clementine (not nice, can't cope with the white pithy stuff).
24. Tinned spaghetti in tomato sauce on toast (nice).
25. Mincemeat in a smooth pasta tomato sauce (Goodness range from Tescos for kids! No bits).
26. Doritos (DISGUSTING)
27. Yoghurt - different kids yoghurt (too sweet and overpowering smell), Activia yoghurts various flavours, Tesco's low fat yoghurts banana, orange, and peach, Goats Yoghurt (vile), Natural Yoghurt, West Country Yoghurt, Ski yoghurt (so far not found any I like. Taking a break from them while I develop my taste buds. Will come back and try again before I decide if I am a yoghurt person or not).
28.  Garlic croutons - (5) and cold pasta not sure of flavour (tried at the Harvester - alright).
29. Fried Egg on Gammon (gorgeous)
30. Fried tomato (scrapped out the middle and only ate a bit of the side. Not horrible, not nice. Need to try more).
31. Cheese & Tomato Baguette Pizza (ate half, ok but tomato quite strong flavour).
32. Cheese Feast Pizza (really not great)
33. Strawberries (not bad but can only eat a few at a time and still struggle with the seeds).
34. Barbecue Flavour Chicken (nice).
35. Cathedral City Baked Bites Mini biscuits (gorgeous!!)
36. Tesco Italian Range Beef Lasagne (very nice, quite a lot of pasta).
37. Thinly sliced Pork loin slices - not fatty (delicious).
38. Walkers Deli Crisps Cornish Mature Chedder Flavour (lovely, very tasty).
39. Walkers Deli Crisps Balsamic Vinegar of Modena Flavour (delicious - my new favourite crisps!).
40. Hellmens Mayonaise (need to retry with something else).
41. Tomato Ketchup (have it with a lot of things now - a bit addicted!).
42. Cadburys Chocolate Button Dessert (vile - far too sickly and sweet).
43. Dolmio Pasta Vita Carbonara (really unpleasant - not a good example, will need to try carbonara another way).
44. Multigrain Ryvita (nice - but need to have butter and cheese on it).
45. Seriously Strong Spreadable Cheese (not much taste, and not very nice).
46. Pepperoni Pizza (yum yum)
47. Ham & Mushroom Pizza (my favourite pizza so far).
48. Chicken Fajitas Pizza (horrible)
49. Tinned Mandarins (I quite like these, but can only eat a few segments at a time. Working on it).
50. 1 leaf of Spinach hidden in a cheese roll (ate it but the thought of it caused panic and anxiety to set in so didn't push it. Haven't repeated this yet).
51. Hartley's Orange Jelly no added sugar (really odd texture and very sweet. Ate the whole pot, but not a fan and not bothered about trying again).
52. Uncle Ben's Egg Fried Rice - cook in the microwave pouch (love this, really struggled with rice, but love this).
53. Chicken marinated in soy sauce (really loved this but the salty taste got really strong very quickly which was unfortunate).
54. Vegetables cooked in soy sauce  - red, green and yellow peppers, sweetcorn, carrot, diced onion, petit pois peas, mushrooms (love this so much! Have had it a lot. So tasty!).
56. Runner Beans (added to the veg stir fry above - really did not like the beans).
57. Beef Casserole ( disgusting. The meat is horrible and chewy and fatty and bleurgh).
58. Elmlea Double Cream Whipped (very nice with Vanilla Ice Cream and some tinned fruit - Naughty!)
59. Cathedral City Spreadable Cheese (ok but nothing special. Lacks the strong flavour of the normal cheese).
60. Wholemeal toasted teacake and butter (nice nothing special).
61. Southern Fried Wedges (a bit hot but nice)
62. Fish Fingers (ok but prefer something else).
63. Stir Fry x2 - Same rice and veg as before but chicken cooked in chow mein stir fry sauce (a bit sweet but nice. Will have again).
64. Lemon and Brown Sugar basted roast Chicken from Morrisons (bloody beautiful. Definitely have again).
65. Morrisons Cheese & Onion crinkle crisps (one of my new top 5 crisps).
66. Mexican - Fajitas with chicken in El Paso Sauce, peppers, diced onion, tomatoes, shredded lettuce, with sour cream and chive dip wrapped in tortillas (this really went badly as we followed my Mum's recipe of adding lemon and lime juice to the meat and sauce. It was vile. Couldn't manage more than two bites. Even my Dad was gagging. Ended up having toast! Maybe try again if I can convince Dad!).
67.  Smooth Branston Pickle -no bits - with a cheese sandwich (ate it, was alright, still not sure if I like it or not, but can eat it).
68. Grilled Rump steak - not dissecting it into little pieces and frying it like normal (really tasty and I like it quite rare. Was a very lean piece of steak. Still very particular and would not be able to do this with a fatty or grisly bit).
69. Season and Shake Cajun Chicken - with egg fried rice and soy sauce veg (I loved this. It was a very strong flavour and the top end of my range. I wouldn't want this every week, but will have it again. Tasty).
70. Sage and Onion Stuffing ( quite nice, but can only eat a very small amount before it gets too strong. Prefer the crispy bits!).
71. Deluxe Hand Cooked Vegetable Crisps seasoned with salt - beetroot, sweet potato, carrot and parsnip (absolutely horrible. Even Dad couldn't stand them.)
72. Hunters Chicken (tasty but had to cut the streaky bacon off as I still can't do fat).
73. Fusili pasta with mincemeat in a pasta tomato sauce (the Goodness range for Kids one from Tescos - still no bits) with soy sauce vegetables (this was nice but it was hard going eating all the pasta. Odd texture, but I will get use to it).
74. Tiger Roll (unpleasant smell)
75. Swirl Bread Roll (Viennese?) with poppy seeds (gorgeous!).
76. Applewood Vintage Chedder (absolutely disgusting, very odd texture and horrible flavour).
77. Butter Basted Roast Chicken (Roast in the Bag from Tesco) - (lovely tasty, moist chicken, hmmm!).

That's all the stuff tried in the last "just under" three months! Not bad! Feeling very proud of myself as that is quite a list!

CBT and Felix

Yet again I have been extremely terrible at keeping this blog up to date. Huge apologises! As I said in a previous post I had started CBT in the hope it would resolve my SED issues. Well I continued with it for a while and had limited success. I began to understand why my brain reacted the way it did to new foods and more importantly began to understand the sheer mountain I had to climb in order to beat this disorder.

I successfully managed to drink an entire small bottle of Tropicana orange juice during a session even though I found it extremely vile! But beyond that my progress was almost not existent. I found the few techniques I was given were not really suitable for food. For example one was to sit there with the food and wait until the anxiety passed and then try the food. This is based on the idea that it takes between a hour to a hour and a half for anxiety to rise and then dissipate. Now if this was sitting with a spider in a tank (which I would not do!) or something else that didn't have a time issue then it probably does work. The problem with food is if its hot it gets cold and is inedible, and it its cold it gets too warm, melts, goes off etc. So I was becoming increasingly frustrated that I wasn't making any progress and the anxiety would get so bad I would be lucky if I tried one new food a month! Added to this was the sudden announcement that I only had a set number of CBT sessions. I was over half way through my allotted sessions when I discovered this and it was acutely obvious that I was not going to make any significant progress before the sessions ran out.

Thankfully I had also joined a Facebook forum about SED and discovered a wonderful magical guy called Felix Economakis who ran a clinic in London and was a qualified hypnotherapist. He seemed to have dedicated a lot of his time studying and treating people with SED. More importantly the forum was full of people who had gone to see Felix and had been cured of their SED issues which allowed them to start the long fight to recovery. He had something like a 97% success rate and was very open about the times when it hadn't worked. He also filmed a lot of his sessions and they could be watched on You Tube. After months of reading other people's success stories and hearing the foods they were suddenly able to eat, I made the decision I had to see Felix.

I managed to get the money together for an appointment (with a little bit of help from Felix himself) and booked my appointment!! I was so excited! But I also wanted to make sure I had realistic expectations. He did not have a 100% success rate so I had to be prepared that it might not work. I also knew from the forum that some people found after a few weeks their eating issues were completely gone, while for others it took longer and required more effort. I spoke to a few of the forum members who had seen Felix recently and who had varying degrees of success, so I was as well informed as I could be. I decided to go in to the session with an open mind, and a hopeful heart.

Dad came with me to my appointment and it was his reaction to what happened which really proved to me what a dramatic change had taken place. The appointment was suppose to be 2 hours long but we had got stuck on the motorway for an hour when they closed the motorway to clear a fatal accident. So my appointment was condensed and I was concerned this would have a negative impact. I really didn't need to worry. There are three stages to the treatment which include getting you to agree to change and the final stage is the hypnosis.

I really didn't think the hypnosis had worked, but as days passed I remembered less of what had been said to me during the hypnosis and had to rely on Dad to fill in the blanks so I must have gone under! Thankfully my subconscious remembered! When I was "woken up" Felix got me to try some of the foods I had taken with me. He asks you to bring 5-6 foods to try at the end of the session that you would like to eat but couldn't. The first thing he handed me was a carton of Ribena. I took it off him - no hand shaking, no shallow breathing, feeling sick or anything - and stuck the straw in and began to drink. The shocked look on my Dad's face said it all! He had prepared himself for me to start crying and gagging etc. But nothing happened. I just drank the juice, and found it ok but a bit sweet.Then I tried a red grape, a strawberry, a piece of pineapple (which was disgusting but when Felix tried a piece he said it was vile and clearly had turned in the hot car), melon and a cherry Activia yoghurt. I was so incredibly shocked!!

After the session we went back to the car and I continued to try stuff including raw grated carrot, beetroot (yum!) and a leafy bit of lettuce that made me gag because it was so bitter. On the way home we stopped off at a Burger King to have some dinner. I still ordered my usual plain burger and fries but this time I asked for a ketchup sachet. My mind was obsessed with trying some on my fries! Now I am the girl that if there was a spot of ketchup on her burger she would be unable to eat the whole thing, and any fries with it on, would not be eaten and neither would the fries touching the fries with ketchup on! Suddenly I was putting a bit on every chip, and by the end of the meal had squirted some inside my "plain" burger! It was lovely!! My Dad just sat opposite me watching, and only commented after I had finished that he couldn't believe the difference!

It was an awesome day, but in the days that followed I was concerned it hadn't worked properly or would wear off. With a bit of encouragement from Felix and my Dad I stopped trying to test it, and just accepted it had changed and got on with it. It turns out I was not going to be one of those who completely changed in 2 -3 weeks after seeing Felix. Instead I was going to have a slower recovery, but still a recovery. As days and weeks passed I was trying at least 2 new things a day, which was a huge improvement on my CBT "one new thing a month if I was lucky"! I didn't always like what I tried, but I was trying it!

Felix had "cured" me of my anxiety and SED issues and it was now time for the hard work. The road to recovery. My taste buds were completely under developed so I needed to give them time to get use to new flavours (and still doing so). I had to get use to new textures in my mouth, smells etc. I also had to work out what I liked and didn't like! Food had suddenly become exciting!

CBT Update

Sorry I haven't updated my diary for a while. As usual life got in the way. I will try to be better from now on! In one of my last posts I mentioned I was waiting to be accepted into a CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) programme. I was accepted and after waiting a couple of months for an appointment to become available I am now delighted to say I have started CBT! I have only had a couple of sessions so far but the results are already encouraging. I have had a few outright successes and a few successes which I still felt disappointed about (more on that soon). It is still early days but I am hopeful I may have finally found a solution for my SED!

CBT is an interesting treatment and incorporates various approaches and treatments. For my situation I am trying a process called graduated exposure therapy. The theory is that you create a hierarchy of situations that cause the anxiety and number them 1 - 10 in order of how anxious they make you, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most. In my situation my hierarchy is made up of different foods and numerous social situations which involve food. Then through developing various coping mechanisms you start working your way up through the hierarchy starting at 1. According to the theory of anxiety, every time you expose yourself to an anxiety inducing situation, the anxiety should disappear a little bit quicker each time you do it, until it doesn't happen at all. So at first anxiety levels will be sky high, but then the second, third, and fourth times it will disappear quicker and eventually will not happen at all. Then as you conquer each level of your hierarchy, it will be easier to tackle those foods which cause more anxiety. Sounds simple, but it is extremely hard and very much a battle.

The reason people like me get like this is (apparently) because we have learnt this behaviour over time and our brains now believe this is "normal" behaviour. So my brain reacts to new and different foods in a negative way because it has learnt this is the "correct" reaction to this situation. It has become so bad that eventhough there is a thought process involved I am no longer aware of it because my reaction is so instant. It has become a reflex. In the same way you would jump because there was a sudden loud noise, I panic when confronted with new or different foods. So a large part of CBT is breaking those thought processes down and examining and challenging the thoughts and feelings they produce. I also have to look at my mood and physical behaviour and be aware of how these can also affect my thoughts and feelings. In short I am having to unlearn the bad reaction and teach my brain the correct way to approach new foods by questioning the thoughts and feelings which trigger the anxiety.

I am actually finding this part fascinating as logically I know a lot of my thoughts are ridiculous and not grounded in any logic but all the same its hard shifting the impact they have on me. I also have to keep giving myself a "good talking to" and encouraging myself to stick with it, I can do this, keep focussed, keep calm etc while also acknowledging and challenging the thoughts I am having; why do you think that, what's the worse that can happen, does it matter if you don't eat it, spit it out, gag, throw up, etc etc. I know that its going to get harder and harder before it gets better, but I am also trying to hold onto the positive thought that it could "cure" me, if only I can keep pushing myself!

It has also been interesting learning about avoidance and why we choose to do it. I have avoided food situations so much that my brain learnt that avoidance and panic is the right reaction to that situation. One of the main reasons for this is the positive feeling which follows avoiding an anxiety filled situation. The sense of relief is a wonderful feeling and so fuels the negative behaviour of avoidance; face the anxiety and the anxiety rises or avoid and feel great! No wonder my brain learnt to avoid! Now I have to fight this avoidance culture in my life. I have to acknowledge the situations when anxiety causes me to feel like this and acknowledge I want to avoid, run away from trying that particular food. Once I have acknowledged it, I then have to face the anxiety and refuse to let myself wimp out and avoid the food. This is sooooooo hard and takes so much energy. I am, however, very determined to do this. I am literally attempting to reprogram a part of my brain. Wish me luck!

Food, Food, Everywhere!

I recently saw a post on a SED forum from a woman who worked with youngsters at a community centre. She had recently found out one of the kids (13 year old girl) had been diagnosed with SED. She was on the forum trying to find out more information and to try and understand what SED is. Especially difficult for someone who admitted they would eat and try anything. I was very impressed she was going to such lengths and genuinely seemed to want to try to help the young girl overcome her issues.Her biggest concern was that the girl seemed to be a bit of a loaner and preferred to sit and draw instead of joining in with group activities.The main activity seems to have been cooking and baking which understandably the girl with SED would not want to be involved with. So the woman was asking for help on how to get the young girl more involved, and maybe even get her cooking.

After leaving my own thoughts on the matter (basically move away from the cooking and find other group activities to do that don't involve food, perhaps arts and crafts and get the young girl to join in with that without the pressure of food), it got me thinking about how hard socialising is when you have SED. Like a lot of sufferers I have had SED since I was a child, and it did cause a lot of problems, especially making and maintaining friendships. It still does! Unless you have an issue with food, you don't realise just how much food is involved with nearly every social activity. During childhood sleepovers were a nightmare with what to have for dinner and breakfast ( let's order in pizza - eww!), watching a film is awkward (I got popcorn, salted and buttered - or whatever flavours they come in- as everyone likes popcorn! Er, no!), girly nights less enjoyable (I have nachos! Or I have Doritos and dips because everyone loves them, right! Nope!), and even children's parties were boring as I had to eat before I went as it was unlikely I would like anything there! Kids can also be cruel and pick up on any weakness, so being the fussy eater or freaky eater was not helpful when making friends. You were also the child, parents hoped their children would never ask could stay for dinner unexpectedly!

As I got older it remained a problem. At uni I could never join in the money saving joint meals as it nearly always involved some kind of pasta thing, or baked thing or other "foreign" food. I am also so particular about how something is prepared that even if the menu was something I would eat it was still very stressful for me. Likewise, "lets get a takeaway" often excluded me unless it was from the chippy or McDonalds. Chinese, Thai, curry, pizza, kebab etc were all out for me. Birthday and other celebrations with a meal out were another nightmare, as most restaurants I couldn't eat in. Sometimes friends would choose to have their birthday meal at a restaurant where they knew I could eat. On one hand this was lovely and thoughtful and clearly showed they thought a lot of me and wanted me at their birthday/celebration. However it also made me feel terrible as somebody else's birthday ended up being about me, and not them, which is totally wrong. Their favourite food could have been Chinese but they would choose a Harvester for my sake. I felt so terribly guilty. Plus it was very hurtful when they suddenly stopped inviting me, although I understood it, it was still upsetting.

Even now its hard. For parties, I have to eat before I go just in case there is nothing there. If I am lucky there will be some bread rolls and a cheese board so I can make myself a sandwich, or if not hopefully crisps, although there have been many parties where there was nothing I could eat or the food was contaminated by tomatoes or onions etc, and I ended up flipping starving my the time I got home! Meals out, if I know the restaurant and I can eat there I go, if not I make an excuse. Dinner parties often I will make an excuse and arrive after dinner. Depending on who is there and whether the host knows about my SED I might get through it with a separate meal made for me, although if there will also be people I don't know, I find this very embarrassing. Also friends do get very fed up with having to cook for a group of people and then cook something separate for me. Especially as they have to be so particular about ingredients and preparation. And I understand, its a complete pain in the backside! Its not like providing a vegetarian option for a veggie, its so much more specific. However, as much as I understand, it is hurtful when the dinner invitations suddenly disappear. But who could blame them?

Going to cinema and finding munchies I will eat, popping out for coffee and cake, lets meet up for lunch, private view at the museum with buffet and drinks, fundraising evening with a meal, awards ceremony with a set dinner, why don't you stay for dinner, etc etc. Don't even get me started on going on a date! There are so many problematic occasions!! I have to plan my day around my food which even my friends don't understand. Its because it is so hard finding something I will eat when I am out and about. If its a friend who knows about my SED I will ask outright if they have something I can have for lunch or whether I should eat before I arrive. It is odd, but I hope they understand its because food is such a difficult subject for me. Even when people know I have SED I can find it awkward eating around them, particularly if they have tried so hard to fit in with all my issues and I still can't eat it. Sometimes my brain just won't allow it, and that is very hard to explain to people.

Most of all its hard because the last thing you want to do it draw attention to it, and yet so often you become the friend with the eating problems. It dictates what you can and can't do, and sadly what you do and do not get invited too. Friends get fed up with making allowances for you, or they suddenly seem to forget you have eating problems and expect you to eat a salad or something. Or worse of all they start commenting on what you eat, and how unhealthy it is and start making suggestions on what you should be eating. Yeah, thanks that helps! My SED does not make me, me. There is so much more to me, yet I can totally understand why that 13 year old girl kept herself to herself. Its easier than coming up with an excuse for why you are not eating or having to explain what SED is. How do you explain a fear of food? How can you explain that to someone and not expect to see them smirk and look at you with an incredulous look on their face? "Really, your scared of food? Oh no, here comes some broccoli, run"! Or some other unfunny joke.

The silly thing is that actually when a SED sufferer feels more confident and accepting of their situation the more likely they are to try new foods and seek out professional help with their condition. Being happy and positive can have a significant impact on the success rate of trying new foods, and maintaining a good diet. I know from personal experience that when I am unhappy or stressed my eating goes out the window. I lose my limited appetite completely and live on sandwiches and snacks. So really if the community centre woman does really want to help the young girl, the best thing she can do is to help her accept herself and become more confident and to encourage her peers to accept peoples differences as we are not all the same, and with a bit of luck the girl will become more confident and hopefully will start to expand her safe foods. At the very least she might try her hand at a bit of baking!

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy or CBT

Finally getting somewhere with the new treatment offered by my GP. I have a telephone consultation with a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist next week. From the look of the information they sent me it is to go through a questionnaire to make sure I am not about to hurt myself or someone else and to see whether they will be able to help me and I suppose assign me a therapist?

They have sent me the questions in advance and to be honest they don't really apply to me. For example they ask if my condition stops me from living a normal life and socialising and lists eating food and going out for meals as an example of "normal". Well considering my condition is a problem with food, yes it does affect it but the follow up questions they ask is, is it because I have problems with interacting with people, feeling depressed etc. Thats not the reason my condition affects what I eat, its because my condition IS that I have a problem with food!!! Grrr!

I know they are only standard questions and they need some way of assessing new cases, but why couldn't they just have a face to face appointment and talk to me! That way they would find out about my "condition". Also some of the questions do affect me but not because of my eating. For example one of the questions is do you have problems sleeping or sleep at different times of the day? Well yes, but that is not because of my condition. Its to do with other issues such as stress with work, bad habits and being an owl instead of a lark. Silly questions!

I just hope these silly questions don't prevent me from getting help. I really want to see if CBT can help me break my problems with food.

Beetroot and a Roast Beef Sandwich

Yesterday I successfully tried two new foods or combination of foods; beetroot and a beef sandwich. I should point out that I don't mean together!

At lunch time Dad decided he was going to use some of the Roast Beef from the previous nights dinner to make a sandwich. He asked me what I wanted expecting something like "cheese sandwich please". Instead I surprised him (and to be honest, myself) by saying I will have a beef sandwich too, as long as I can check the meat first.

Unlike a lot of people with SED / Neo Food Phobia I do eat some meat. A lot of people with this condition find the texture of meat too difficult to deal with and also have problems with gristle and fat etc. I am lucky that I don't have a problem with the texture of meat, however I do have a major issue with gristle and fat. If I get even a small piece of fat or gristle in my mouth I will feel very sick and turn myself off of my food. I would not be able to continue eating either. For this reason I have to dissect all my meat as Dad puts it. For example, I can eat a slice of ham, but only if I can cut off all the rind and fat first. I enjoy rump, sirloin or ribeye steak, as long as I can cut out fat, gristle, veining bits of fat which chef's call "marbling" and basically everything that isn't pure meat. It creates a lot of waste (and expense when steak, so don't have it that often) but at least it gives me a hit of red meat. The problem is because of this need to dissect the meat I cannot have meat in a sandwich for fear of getting fat and gristle in my mouth. Even bacon sandwiches I have to dissect the bacon first. This means I also cannot order meat filled sandwiches when out as I know they won't be to my standard. For this reason I have never had a beef sandwich even though I really like roast beef.

But yesterday I decided to give it a try. I did go through each slice of meat and cut out the odd bit of fat first but luckily the beef was very lean. To my surprise at first I liked the sandwich. It was a bit like a cold hamburger with butter! I didn't have the usual panic attack, shaking or feeling sick when trying food. I did not struggle to put it in my mouth or shut it or chew and swallow it. However after the first sandwich I started to feel sick. This was made worse by some of the meat not breaking apart when I bit into the sandwich causing a larger lump of meat to come out and just a bit eww! I decided to quit while I was ahead and leave the rest of the sandwich. But I was still impressed with what I achieved and so was my Dad.

In the evening Dad was having salad with his beef (using up the joint of meat!) and had some beetroot in his salad cut into small cubes. He knew beetroot was one of the foods that I am curious about. He asked me if I wanted to try some. At first I felt reluctant but then said, ok then. He passed over the fork with a small cube of beetroot on, about 1cm cubed. I took a deep breath, grabbed the fork, put the beetroot in my mouth and shut my mouth. At this point I noticed panic levels starting to rise. I took another breath and started to chew. Instantly I was surprised by the taste. I did not expect it to be as sweet. There was also a vinegar taste. But behind all this was a different taste or smell. It seemed to go up my nose from inside my mouth. I got this sudden smell of vegetables which is one smell which makes me gag. I could feel the gagging approaching so tried to swallow the chewed beetroot. It wasn't instant but I managed to do it. I was not very keen to have another piece, but I was proud of my achievement. Another food tasted. Dad was impressed and commented that my ability to try foods seems to be getting better. I don't know why. I am not doing anything differently.

I read online that you have to try a new food something like 12 times before you can accurately decided whether you like it or not. Its got something to do with educating your brain and getting your taste buds use to the taste or something. I am not sure if this is true or just rubbish on the web. However I do plan to try beetroot again.